How to clean up after the death of my dad?

Melanie
by Melanie

My son and I lived with my aging father. To get straight to the point I am so overwhelmed with what needs to be done!!! From cleaning to redoing his bathroom, getting rid of clothes, He let this condo go. It's 20 years old and I don't have the funds to fix it up! Old mildew carpet!, the list goes on and on! Am very depressed over what to do. Plus the fact am still suffering with grievence and mourning! Help please!

  7 answers
  • So sorry for your loss. I understand completely. Have gone through this myself. Both my parents have passed on and I was the Executrix of their Trust. It is horribly overwhelming. I was working a 60+ hour a week job on top of it.


    First, start making lists of what you have to do. One for financial matters, another for home repairs and one for selling or donating belongings.


    Let the house or condo sit for a few weeks, deal with the finances first. Order many death certificates now, if you order them later it takes longer and they charge more for them. Settle all his bank, credit cards and investme accounts - everyone requires an original certificate. Talk with your lawyer about changing the title of the property into your name if not already done. (My parents had an iron clad Trust which greatly speeded the process up for me). Once the banks and property issues are in motion, move on to the utility companies and services. Change everything into your name, gas, electric, water, trash service, cable, whatever you have.


    Once the dust has settled, now deal with the condo. Start by selling or donating items you no longer wish to keep. Photograph and document each item donated and get your tax receipt - you will need for your tax return, federal and state according to your state's laws.


    Now start fixing what you can, or if you intend to sell, start interviewing Realtors and sell the place "as is." I do not recommend doing this unless there is no way to fix it up. The better it looks cosmetically the more money you get. There are tons of projects you can tackle yourself that are low cost. Once you get to that point, come back here and we can walk you through just about any home improvement project you can think of. Clean the condo from top to bottom, slap a new coat of paint on everything, stage it well and it will sell.


    ACCEPT help if offered, let people pamper you, bring you meals, whatever they want to do for you, take it. And allow yourself time to grieve. I never had one second of downtime and it is exhausting both physically and emotionally. Allow yourself to take a day off here and there - do what you need to do for yourself to keep moving forward. Again, so sorry for your loss. It does get better, but it just takes time and the time line is different for every person. Just sit and breathe. Try yoga or meditation if you think that might help too. 🤗

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    • Melanie, you are most welcome. Not pleasant as we would rather have our parents here with us, but a blip in the highway of life. You can do this, just be patient with yourself and never ever let anyone rush you. Keep your chin up.

  • 2818713 2818713 on Aug 06, 2018

    Melanie, I am sorry for the loss of your father. I began helping my parents clean out their garage last weekend—decades of stuff! I find it is easiest to go room by room. We focused on non-sentimental garage items first and put them into three piles: trash, donate/sell, keep. We tried to keep the trash to a minimum to reduce waste. When we had clear out the trash, we looked at the donate/sell pile and listed a bunch of stuff on Facebook yard sale groups. We sold about $200 worth of stuff and then listed bigger items for free so we didn't have to haul them away. Note that if he has furniture you want to get rid of, some Habitat Restores will come to you to pick things up. Once you've done every room, give the unit a thorough clean to try to figure out what can be salvaged and what needs to be replaced. Patching bad spots and painting the walls can make a huge difference, as can replacing old smelly carpet with a cheaper but nice-looking alternative. Do you have anyone who can help with a DIY install of a laminate flooring? Just remember to take it one step at a time! Come back and update!

    • Melanie Melanie on Aug 07, 2018

      Thank you Brittany. I wish I did have the help. It is all so overwhelming! He passed in April but it feels like it was yesterday. I lost my mom as well 4 year's ago March and with the exception of what could be fit in a car I had to leave everyhing. she Lived in Md. and me in SC. Had no way to go back and get it. Too long of a story. Sorry. I'm stuck. I look around at everything and leave. I will try and do what you and another woman has suggested. Dealing with depression and loss is painful. It freezes your ability to always get things done but I thank you for helping!

  • Tinyshoes Tinyshoes on Aug 06, 2018

    Melanie...Take some deep breaths and try to relax! Are you an only child? Do you intend to stay in your dads condo? It is overwhelming I understand so well with the loss of my mother. I am still working on some items but I began slowly and have several large plastic totes with some of her items I continue to go through. I have a sibling who is not well so the majority was mine to care for. I entered room by room opening doors and drawers and going through item by item. Gathered bags of old receipts, paid bills and just threw away items of no use to anyone. Many paper items I just burned or shredded. Other items such as clothing that family was not interested in, I took to the church or ministry to give for others in need. If I had shoes I checked with family members, especially new, and gave or again took to ministry. There were items I did keep myself. After clearing each room, I left furnishings that I talked to family about and many many items were taken by them or I kept. After I had that done I had a yard sale and distributed half of the proceeds to my sibling and kept the other half. I cleaned everything and noted items that needed work or attention. I later purchased my siblings half and now have a family member living there until I decided what I would like to do next. This will take time and you need it. Many days I would return to my family home, have a seat in the floor and just cry but it helped and daily I grew stronger with wonderful memories and blessings from God. I hope this helps some and you can slowly begin to pick through these items. Many days I felt guilty as my mother had her privacy that I believed I was invading but as I looked carefully I received blessings left by her to me in the form of notes so I knew she appreciated what I was doing and knew someday I would be taking care of her matters. God Bless You and your son as you begin this cleaning process as well as healing.

  • Gk Gk on Aug 06, 2018

    Very sorry to hear about your father. It's a tough place to be. If you look at the whole picture of what needs to be done you will be overwhelmed. The best suggestion I can give you right now is to divide things into smaller jobs rather than looking at it as one big job. I would start with the clothes--the hardest part emotionally. Then you can move on to cleaning one room at a time and perhaps painting to freshen things up. You might be able to find some inexpensive paint at a restore-like Habitat for Humanity or Goodwill-contractors/homeowners drop off what they don't use. The carpet can be removed. There are many inexpensive fixes--one idea might be to lay vinyl tiles because they look nice and are inexpensive compared to some flooring. You will start to feel like you have accomplished something when you break things down into smaller jobs and get them done one job at a time. Maybe you can reach out to other friends/relatives for some help and support in this situation. One day a time.

  • Melanie Melanie on Aug 07, 2018

    Thank you. I only wish I had the money to pack up and sale this condo but can't afford to. Have not worked in a few years due to physical and emotional difficulties. Having lived with my dad after being on my own for so long destroyed our relationship. Not such great memories.I do have a sister who lives 45 mins from here. She is very busy with work and getting her son off to college. I just don't have it in me these days. There's just too much to do. When I can find some energy I will work on your ideas as well as others. Thanks so much for your response.

  • Joy Joy on Aug 07, 2018

    I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you're having to deal with. I can tell you that you won't need as many copies of the death certificate as the funeral parlor tells you. You'll need originals for insurance policies, but almost everyone else will take a copy. That's a good thing because originals are usually $12 to $15 each. Try and get some help from well organized friends and maybe somewhere down the road have a yard sale. In time, it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

  • Joy Joy on Aug 07, 2018

    I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you're having to deal with. I can tell you that you won't need as many copies of the death certificate as the funeral parlor tells you. You'll need originals for insurance policies, but almost everyone else will take a copy. That's a good thing because originals are usually $12 to $15 each. Try and get some help from well organized friends and maybe somewhere down the road have a yard sale. In time, it will all work out the way it's supposed to.