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Me, Myself, and Buffet - a Neurotic Makeover
by
Delusions of ingenuity
(IC: blogger)
Hello there!
Does this post title make you experience a bit of déjà vu? No worries. It doesn't last long, and it doesn't leave a rash or anything.
You may be experiencing déjà vu due to the fact I shared a post called Me, Myself, and Chair a while back. If you recall, I regaled you with the conversation I had with my wingback chair, which then led to a spot of trouble in which we became embroiled. If you don't recall, you should go check it out.
But I'm here to tell you I've been communing with the furniture again.
Buffet and I have cohabitated for a very long time. In fact, we've been together longer than I've lived with any single human being. Twenty-seven years to be exact-ish. He came to me from my Grandma, who is no longer with us. Buffet lives on. But he's been looking increasingly shabby.
Does this post title make you experience a bit of déjà vu? No worries. It doesn't last long, and it doesn't leave a rash or anything.
You may be experiencing déjà vu due to the fact I shared a post called Me, Myself, and Chair a while back. If you recall, I regaled you with the conversation I had with my wingback chair, which then led to a spot of trouble in which we became embroiled. If you don't recall, you should go check it out.
But I'm here to tell you I've been communing with the furniture again.
Buffet and I have cohabitated for a very long time. In fact, we've been together longer than I've lived with any single human being. Twenty-seven years to be exact-ish. He came to me from my Grandma, who is no longer with us. Buffet lives on. But he's been looking increasingly shabby.
Buffet has been whispering inappropriate notions in my ear for quite some time. I'm normally able to ignore the voices in my head, but Buffet has been persistent.
Me: You've got six legs. Aren't you closer to emulating Spider-Man?
After an initial sanding, I cleaned all of Buffet's nether regions with a 50/50 mix of water and denatured alcohol.
Buffet: Hey. I don't know that this is my exact color. WTH?
Buffet: Does anybody really know what time it is?
Buffet: Those flowers make me look amazing. Now give me some close-ups, please.
Random Eddie shot.
Buffet: I have a beautiful top.
Me: This is getting ridiculous.
Buffet: And my special compartments...
Buffet: And my sexy (sans spider-vein) leg.
Buffet: Do those flowers make my saddlebags look fat?
Me: We must end this.
Buffet: Fine. Give them another before and after.
Buffet: Why does this last picture of me look like I belong in a dollhouse?
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Published July 23rd, 2016 3:07 PM
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