75 yr.old home. New toilet drain that plumbers reduced from 4" to 3".
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I personally would have the plumber come back to figure out what s/he did wrong because, obviously there is something wrong here. Best of luck.
Call the Plumber back and tell them to do a better job!
First check your local codes. Then call them back and voice your concerns. Turning on the shower should NOT flush the toilet - something is amiss. That would bother me too!
Three inch drain pipe is not abnormal. What you are probably experiencing is there is no air vent to the drain. That causes a suction that will pull other water out of your traps allowing sewer smells to come up through the drains. Get that plumber back to fix the problem.
With the new 1.6 gallon flush toilets, the 3" pipes allow more velocity for complete removal of waste. It would be very hard to put enough water through a 3" pipe from all the drains working at the same time to cause any slowdown. If there's a problem draining, look at the slope of the pipe. It should run downhill about 1/4" per foot at least.