Tips for Lightening up a solid wood panel wall?
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you can sand, prime and paint it a light color.
You could use a pickling stain which is applied then wiped off. Repeated wiping lets more and more of the original color and wood grain show through. It's similar to paint, though, so I'm thinking your hubby won't like that either.
The only other option is a wood bleach. Oxalic acid is often labelled as wood bleach, but is too mild for significant lightening. A two-part bleach is what professionals use, but the process is neither easy or quick. And don't forget you will need to bleach the beams on the ceiling, too. If this option is also vetoed I'd say your husband likes the paneling as it is, and you should go with Nancy's suggestion to use white furnishings against the walls.
Things You Will Need
Steps
Paneling won't bleach like regular wood. Painting is the only option. The pickling effect like Mindshift mentions is similar to painting. Like a whitewash.
It’s an app for doing interior design boards but I use it like photoshop from time to time. It’s called Morpholio for iPad and it’s free.