Does anyone have any idea what we can do with is front yard nightmare?
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You could always wait for the next tornado to take the trees out (that particular “solution” almost took out my house last year), but if they are healthy, I would keep them. Your main problem seems to be not the trees so much as the runoff. I believe you need some retaining walls and some topsoil. You need to talk to your local garden store guy to figure out what kind of gras grows best. We have clay soil where I live, too, and we have to aerate our grass every spring and we add some sand and healthy soil to sweeten it. The grass looks ghastly for a couple of weeks and then it springs back happier than ever.
How about planting hostas, ferns, azaleas and other shad plants. I also have a shady yard and that's what I did years ago to solve my problem. Try to design your plantings before you start buying. Hostas die away every winter but reappear the next spring and last until it's really cold. I'm in metro Atlanta so you'd need to find out if these plants would work well in your climate.
First you need to put some new topsoil down. You will probably need to add a lot of lime because the ph is lowered by decaying pine needles. The ph should be 6-7.